Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Failed the glucose test

Booo!

My level was a 133 and I needed 129 or under to pass. So now I go back Monday and suffer through the 3 hour test.

I'm bummed but things could be worse. I'm grateful the doctors are on top of this stuff and if I have the Gestational Diabetes we can start treating it and baby Kevin will be fine.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Yesterdays Appt

I had my OB appt yesterday. GD Test and the regular check up stuff.
GD test went fine. I was given the orange drink last time I went so I just drank it an hour before my appointment and they took me right away. I get the results on Monday.

Heartbeat was great, My weight was fine. I am up 17 pounds - eek.

However the midwife scared me a bit when she broke out the measuring tape. She measured me, looked confused, got out my chart, looked something up, measured me again and she didn't look happy
She said I was measuring too big!
I started to freak out and asked if my baby was growing too fast too quickly?

She then asked how tall I was and when I told her 5 feet she looked a bit relieved, FINALLY smiled and said that petite women will often measure bigger but she wanted me to get an ultrasound just to make sure.
Apparently I grew a bit too much between weeks 24 and 29.
I did see a doctor not the midwife last time. IDK if that matters

So I had a surprise ultrasound and baby is doing great! Just fine! He weighs about 2 pounds 14 oz and is in the the 59th percentile. His measurements are perfect! It is just me that is HUGE

I now see the OB every 2 weeks until I hit 36 weeks, then it switched to every week.

I hope all of you have a great Holiday !
MERRY CHRISTMAS

Monday, December 20, 2010

3rd Trimester

I hit 28 weeks yesterday ! Officially 3rd trimester. Very, very excited to be here. Things are going well and I am super busy with work and the holidays. I have alot coming up soon.

Thursday - Doc appt and GD test. Office Christmas party that day
I'll be in the Bahamas for New years with my family
January 8th is my 3D/4D ultrasound
January 29th is my baby shower
Mid-January - crib and glider will be delivered and we hope to complete the nursery
Late January/Feb - We will go on a hospital tour.

Seems so real now !

We have decided on the name~ Kevin Louis :)

Symptom check:

still have the night time stuffy nose
getting very uncomfortable
getting very large
tire very easily
out of breath quickly
random charlie horses
random RLP
bleeding gums
random pains in butt and thigh
back ache - near constant
sleep is very inconsistent
always hungry

I hope to get a 3rd trimester belly pic up this week

Monday, November 29, 2010

The good and the bad

First the good stuff:

Rob FINALLY got to feel baby boy kick!!! I am so happy as out timing had just been off and he was never around me when the kicks happened. He felt them twice and was so excited. I LOVED that.

We bought a crib and a glider! It will take 6 weeks to be delivered because they did not have the color I wanted in stock. So I get to set up the nursery in 6 weeks.

The baby shower date is set for January 29th and my registry is almost completed. I just have to do more breastfeeding/bottle research and add those things.

Now I am going to complain a bit.

I am having a hard time getting comfortable. I am getting bigger everyday and I can't roll over in bed normally anymore. My nose is ALWAYS stuffed up, especially at night and I need to roll over to get air in a nostril and I have to sit up to do it. So I wake up all night long every time I would normally roll over in my sleep. Once I wake up, I have to pee. This has been going on about a week now and I know it will only get worse.

We eat dinner at the coffee table while watching TV. I know it's a bad habit but now I can't do it anymore. The coffee table is too low and I can't bend the right way to eat over it anymore. So as of tonight we will begin eating at the real table like grown ups.

I cannot tie my sneakers. I do this half-ass job by sitting down and contorting my legs to the side but they always come undone and Rob had to bend down in public to tie them TWICE this weekend. I think I am going to wear boots for the rest of this pregnancy.

OK. I don't complain much but I am awake after another crappy nights sleep so I just needed to get that out. It's out. Time to change my attitude and get to work.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Going Well

Everything has been fine since my recent scare. No blood at all. Nothing. TG! I feel him moving and kicking all the time and I love every single second of it.

I had a doctor appt yesterday and it went well. I am in the process of meeting all the doctors in the practice before I go to the hospital. I have met the midwife and now 3 of the doctors. The one I met yesterday I like the least. Only because she rushed me. No one else has done that yet. Granted I may have used up more of my time then usual telling her the story of Friday night as it had not yet made it into my chart. Still, I hate feeling like a doctor rushes you.

Anyway, like I said, no more problems and I heard his heartbeat again. Nice and strong. I have gained a total of 10 pounds. I really thought I was up 13 so I guess my scale is a bit different then theirs. ( I look as if I have gained 30 ). They gave me the glucose drink for my next appt. I really hope I pass that test! It is 4 days before Christmas and I am hoping not to be on a special diet for the holidays. It won't be the end of the world, I'd just rather not.

So the weekend went well with no more problems. I was talking to a friend of mine with a 4 month old and I told her about what happened Friday. She said the same exact thing happened to her. She was 23 weeks and woke up to pee at 3:30 am. Thats when she saw blood. It ended up being just a one time thing for her so this stuff does does happen. I feel a bit better knowing that.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Had a scare

Let me start off by saying the baby is fine and I am fine but I had one crazy scare yesterday.

I was at work and it was 3:45. I starting wrapping things up as I leave at 4:00. I went to use the bathroom. I urinated. Nothing unusual yet. I wiped.
There was Blood!

It was bright red and there was alot of it. It took me 3 tries to make it all go away. I was terrified. I know first trimester spotting or bleeding is common but I am was 23 weeks 5 days. Not a good thing. I started freaking out in my head. I grabbed my stuff and got in my car and drove home. I didn't say a word to anyone. I started pleading with my baby for him to be ok.

He kicked during the car ride home! I was so happy. Not alot, but enough to calm me down a bit and bring me back to reality. By this time I was stuck in traffic on 20th street. I called Rob to let him know what was going on and after what felt like a really long car ride I was finally home. I ran past Rob and went right to the bathroom. There was no more blood. Nothing.

I decided this qualified as an emergency though. don't think that kind of bleed in the 2nd trimester can be easily brushed off. My doctors office closed at 4:00 so I just missed them but I could page the on call doctor in my practice. So that is exactly what I did. While waiting for her to call back I checked for the heartbeat with the doppler and found it right away.

The doctor called me back. She was very calm and nice. She asked questions like what color was the blood. Bright red. Did I have any cramping. I did not. Braxton Hicks. No. Any back-aches. No. She was concerned when I told her the amount of blood and that I have not had sex recently. We also talked about my recent constipation and how hemorrhoids can be internal and bleed and did I maybe get confused as to where the blood came from. I was positive that it came from the front but didn't not think to do a thorough inspection on that.

I also reminder her I have RH Negative blood and I am not sure if I need a Rhogam shot early now due to the bleeding. She said I needed the shot and she would get it for me at the hospital.

The doctor was at the hospital when she called. She had just finished a C-Section and she asked me to meet her at Labor and Delivery for a cervical check and sonogram. I live 10 minutes from the hospital and Rob and I canceled our Friday night plans and got a cab to NYU.

Sidenote: I want to mention this is not the same hospital I went to where I was misdiagnosed with a miscarriage at 9 weeks. That was an ER at Beth Israel. I was now avoiding the ER entirely and meeting my doctor on the labor and delivery floor of the hospital she works out of. I felt much better about this as the thought of an ER now causes me severe anxiety.

It was 6:00 and we were at the hospital filling out paperwork and waiting for the doctor and it had now been over 2 hours since the bleeding. I had not had a single drop more. I had not had a single cramp. Little one was moving around in there. I was feeling hopeful.

They took me to the triage room right away. Rob was with me the whole time. The nurse took my blood pressure and that was fine. I was put on the heartbeat/contraction monitor as well. I got to hear baby boys heart beat consistently for a long time. Heaven! No contractions thankfully.

The doctor came pretty quickly for the cervical check. She saw no more blood. My cervix is closed and long and everything as it should be there. She did a vaginal ultrasound to look for placenta placement. She said it was where it is supposed to be. She then did an abdominal ultrasound to check on the baby and he is doing fine. He even kicked a few times for us.

We were so relieved!

In the end, I am fine and baby boy is fine and no one knows why I had that bleed. I wish I could have had an answer as to why, but at least I have some reassurance that the pregnancy, tho scary at times, is moving along well. I have my regular doctor on Monday and will double check on things then. I forgot to ask the doctor how abnormal a 2nd trimester bleed of this kind with no reason is. I'll ask on Monday.

She did check for internal hemorrhoids and I did have a small one, but she doesn't think that was the cause. She did say we did the right thing by paging her and coming to get checked out right away. If it happens again I am to do the same thing.

After the doctor left they took my blood and urine. I had to wait 3 and 1/2 hours after that for the results and for them to determine how much Rhogam I needed in that shot. The lab was backed up for some reason. I didn't mind though. Rob and I made up some games and took a walk to the hospital cafeteria. It was just boring. Boring is good. No, boring is great!

I am on pelvic rest until I see my doctor on Monday. Not a big deal at all.



Tuesday, November 16, 2010

10 days

That is how long that stupid cold lasted for. 10 effin days. It was more then a bit frustrating. I also gave it to Rob so as I started feeling better he was going down hill. He still has it and I just have a few sniffles left. I think they may be pregnancy sniffles that will stick through the winter though.

I am so thankful to feel decent again. That was such a miserable week.

Nothing major going on. My sister is helping me plan a small baby shower at the end of January. Another friend is going to go to Babies R Us with me and help me out. Rob and I tried to register over the weekend but we got overwhelmed and did a crappy job. (we also felt crappy and just were not in the mood). I am also planning on getting a 3D/4D ultrasound when I am about 30 weeks. Early January.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Belly pics

I figured it was time for a belly pic update.
This 1st one is 14 weeks. I remember thinking I was HUGE that day, (and everyday since).





This one was taken last night. I am 22 weeks 3 days here:

I cannot believe I still have more growing to do!

I have today off for Veterans day and I think Rob and I are going to Buy Buy Baby to get the registry started. I'm not sure though. He caught my cold and is still sleeping so we'll see how he feels when he wakes up.

I LOVE having a Thursday off. It really does feel like found time.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sick Again

I can't believe I am sick..again. This one is worse :( Sore throat, congested, sinus headaches, achy, tired, and just feel like shit. It started on Friday and is still going on. Work was brutal yesterday. I know I caught it from work. 2 other people ( in offices right next to me) also have it.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Movement

I have been feeling little movements for over a week now. However, they were small and inconsistent. I would feel it, get all excited, then start doubting what I felt as nothing more would happen. Eventually, I would convince myself it was nothing. Also it was only ever happening between 7pm and 11pm at night. I thought I may have been hoping too hard for it and that was the time of night I was relaxed, not working, and had time to focus on it.

Yesterday was a whole different story! Baby gave me a nice kick at 9:00 am. The continued to squirm around for 2 hours. I loved every single second. He did it again around lunch and again right before dinner. All Day! I was worried he was going to be active all night too. He wasn't. I hope it happens again today :)

Did you know boys get jealous of pregnancy? I had no idea. I thought they were all relieved that they didn't have to go through it and still got their baby. I was telling Rob about all the movement I had going on and he asked when he would get to feel it. I really don't know. I think when the baby gets a bit bigger and stronger. He said he was jealous that I get to feel him and talk to him whenever I want. I bet he won't be so jealous during the labor. OR when I am struggling for months to lose the baby weight and he still looks the same.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Thankful for

I realize that with the exception of my gender u/s post I may have been a bit on the negative side lately. So I felt the need to put a "Thankful for" post up today. I really do have so much to be thankful for and really should be focusing on that.

First the obvious. I am so incredibly thankful for this baby growing in me. I am thankful that we were able to conceive naturally at the age of 34. I am so thankful that he seems to be healthy and all is going well with this pregnancy.

I love that Rob is just as excited as I am for this baby. He wanted it as much as me and will be an amazing father. He has been to all my doctors appt's with me and we are shopping for baby and registering together. I realize not all husbands are this involved and I appreciate how luck I am.

Also Rob feels very guilty about his unemployment. As a way to alleviate his guilt he does everything around the apartment. He cooks dinner almost every night, cleans up, does laundry ( ok this is new, he did laundry twice ), does all the errands, and has done some major projects. The biggest project was cleaning out and painting the soon to be nursery. I have been seriously spoiled this pregnancy and will actually miss this whole being catered to thing when he does go back to work.

I am thankful for my job. I do not make a ton of money but I make enough and have great health insurance and some decent perks. The job can be boring and mind-numbing at times, but it is not hard physical labor and I can sit at a desk/computer. I also have made some very good friends through work and appreciate them as well.

I am thankful for where I live in the city. I live in a very child-friendly environment with alot of parks nearby (one right outside my door). We have a guest bedroom that will become a nursery and that is rare in NYC. I have friends that lived in one bedroom apartments until there baby was 4 or 5. My area is nice and we are rent stabilized. I still really want to get out of the city and buy a house but if I do have to stay, this is the best possible place in NYC to live.

Family. All family's have issues and mine is no different. I don't think we will have alot of family support once the baby gets here but we will have my sister living only 20 blocks away. My father also has an apartment and works in the city, so knowing he is close by helps. Robs mom plans on coming to stay with us for a week when the baby is born. I am happy about that.

Friends. We have alot of friends and a pretty active social life. Many of our friends have children and we are learning all we can from them. Most seem happy to help, so I am grateful for that.

There is more, much, much more, but these are the main things I am concentrating on right now. We are lucky. I am lucky. Everything is not perfect and it never will be, but I realize what I have and I am extremely thankful for it.

~~~~~~~~~

Baby Boy is still doing great. Moving around a bit now. Nothing Rob can feel yet though. Not very consistent. Hopefully he will pick up the pace soon. We are working on names but haven't settled on anything yet.

Top 3 picks so far are:

Ryan Thomas
Thomas Ryan
Kevin ( not sure of a middle name Yet)




Friday, October 29, 2010

Gender ultrasound!

Today was my anatomy scan. My baby is almost a full pound and everything is growing on track and measuring perfectly !!

We are having a baby BOY !!!!!!
I am beyond excited. I really wanted a boy. I was trying so hard not to admit that to anyone before we knew. I was trying so hard not to admit it to myself, but truth be told, I was hoping for boy. Sooo happy today :)

We haven't decided on a name yet. Boy names are harder for me. We bought a baby name book today and I have my sister on the case as well. Hopefully we will chose one soon.

Here are some ultrasound pics from today of OUR SON:




We also got a 4D shot. The tech said these shots freak some people out. I guess it does look a little sci-fi. But I think I can see his face perfectly and he is ADORABLE!!!!










Sunday, October 24, 2010

Halfway there (and part 2 of anxiety post)

I am 20 weeks today! Halfway through this pregnancy. I am getting so excited :) :) I have my 20 week doc appt tomorrow and the big ultrasound on Friday. Please, please, let us find out the gender. I cannot wait to see the baby. It feels like forever since I had a peek. I have a very busy week so hopefully time will go by quickly.

OK. It's time to post part 2 of my anxiety post.

Now that I am no longer constantly anxious over losing the baby I have become constantly anxious over Rob's unemployment. I really thought he would have found something by now.
Here is the background:

On April 26th I found out I was pregnant. Two days later Rob lost his job. About a week after that I started spotting and then had the miscarriage. So the 2 have been intertwined in my mind as they happened so close together.

Rob worked for the same company for over 15 years. He was a specialist on the NYSE (New York Stock Exchange). His job was on the floor trading for his company. In February, Barclays Capital bought his company, (and pretty much bought him). Not much changed for awhile he didn't get laid off at first, he just suddenly worked for a different company. THEN in a bit of a confusing twist, Barclays sold his division and split it up and laid of 80% of the employees working there. So in the end Rob is out of a job.

See computers are basically taking over the work Rob did with logarithms. Basically he used to decide which to use and now computers generate how that works. So his entire field is disappearing. He can't just get the same job at a different company, or wait it out for another firm to hire his kind of talent. He has to do something different, hopefully related, but most likely he will have to learn something else. If he did end up getting a job in his old field we would probably be in this same position again in a year or so.

He was given a good severance package and we have a good savings. Also I have a decent job and our medical insurance is through my work. We won't be really hurting for some time, but my salary is not enough to support a family of 3 when the savings does run out. He did make more then me. Also, it SUCKS because all the plans we made are now either on hold or just not going to happen.

Plan 1 - Get pregnant, go house hunting, buy house and get out of city. This can't happen until he has an income.

I have selfish reasons as well. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom. Financially it won't work. We could have swung it for a few years but now it's not even close to being an option. And the selfish part is that Rob may not have a job when the baby is born and thru my maternity leave an after. If that is the case;

1) I won't even get to experience being alone with the baby for what I thought was a guaranteed 3 months of that.

2) He very well may GET to be a stay at home dad by default. I was prepared to be jealous of whoever got to watch my child while I was at work, but I wasn't prepared for it to be Rob! I don't know if I can emotionally handle him getting to stay home with the baby while I have to go to work every day. I'm scared I will start resenting him. I get jealous now at his stay at home husband status, even though I know he hates it.

3) I don't know what to do about daycare or nanny research. Why bother if he won't have a job. Then again what am I going to do if he gets a job and we have nothing set up! See how everything is so up in the air.

4) Living in NYC is expensive. I fear that when the baby is born just living in this city will eat up our savings quickly and by the time he does get work we will have to start our savings all over and we won't be able to buy a house. However, we can't get a house loan now because we don't know our future income. Catch 22.

I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about these things. It helped to get it out here. Rob knows and understands how I feel. He is trying so damn hard to find work but nothing is panning out. He hasn't even had an interview yet. It's been 6 months. He does everything around the apartment to make up for his lack of work. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, shopping, everything! He is cleaning out the apartment and painting the nursery. We are almost out of things he can do around here.

What really kills me is that I can't help him. I don't know how. I've put him in touch with anyone I can think of who might be able to help him, but other then that I can't do anything. That is what makes the anxiety so bad. Having no control.

When Rob and I decided to try again after our loss I honestly just assumed he would have a job by the time I got pregnant again and reached the halfway point.

I am complaining now and voicing my fears here, but to Rob I do my best not to bring it up. I don't want him to feel worse then he already does. But I worry that he will never find a job. We have even talked about him going back to school and starting over, but he has no idea what he would even go for.

It's a shitty situation and a crappy economy.
This was longer then I intended. Oh well, I got it out and needed that.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Anxiety

I am 19 weeks today and doing very well. Though I think I may be getting a bit of a head cold from the weather turning. I hope it passes quickly.

I wanted to talk a little about anxiety. I have always dealt with anxiety and I thought learned how to deal with it. I used to be on medication for it, but I went off it while TTC. I was off it for over a year before getting pregnant so I thought I had that problem solved. Then came the pregnancy and my miscarriage. I didn't expect it and wasn't worried about it until it happened. I was shocked, stunned, upset, embarrassed, and not in control of my emotions. It was a horrible experience. I was terrified to go through it again. I still am.

When I got pregnant this time I was elated. But that was short lived. The anxiety over losing this baby set in pretty quickly. At first I thought I would wait until the test lines got darker to get excited. Then it was waiting to see if my betas would double ( that was iffy, they did not quite double but were high enough). Then it was waiting to hear a heartbeat at 7 weeks. We did and all was great. For about 1 day. I started spotting and that anxiety hit and it was debilitating.

I felt panicky, sick to my stomach and exhausted. All pregnancy symptoms but so much more exaggerated now. And the worst part was that I had no medicine to take to relieve it. So I lay in bed alot. I went to the bathroom when I didn't even have to go to check the toilet paper. The spotting and anxiety continued until the 9th week and my horrible ER Experience and Recovery. I was miserable. I HATED the first trimester. I tried to be happy and into it but the anxiety was too overwhelming. I refused to buy anything for baby or to talk to names or look at nurseries. It was a combination of not wanting to get too attached and a superstitious fear of jinxing myself.

I think it was after I had the NT scan at 12 weeks and announced the pregnancy that I finally started to relax. A little more each day. I became less tired and no more morning sickness. I was hungry again and had some energy. I really did start to worry a little less each day about losing the baby.

Rob and I have started talking names. We bought baby some furniture and a new carpet. We have been going to stores and contemplating registry's. Talking to friends with baby's and learning as much as we can. We have moved on to excited! Rob started painting the soon to be nursery yesterday and will finish it today. I have become obsessed with baby bedding and nursery themes. It is becoming alot of fun and I really and truly am enjoying my pregnancy right now.

We also moved the TV from the guest room to ours and I have cleaned out 3 closets to make room for baby things we will soon acquire. I am wondering if I hit that nesting phase? We donated 5 Hefti bags to Goodwill and threw out 10 bags of junk all from those closets.

Anyway, I went off topic - lol. Sorry

The point is now that the anxiety of miscarriage has lessened, (It is always there in the back of our minds as anything can happen and we know it) the pregnancy has become much more exciting and enjoyable.

HOWEVER, now I have anxiety over Rob finding a good job! It's not as debilitating as the anxiety I just wrote about, but it still wakes me up at night. I'll save it for another post this week. I am going to be a mother and I will always be anxious over something.When Rob does get a job my mind will find something else to be anxious about. I'm learning to deal without medication and getting better at it.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

18 week update

I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow! I'm getting close to that halfway mark. Time is moving so fast and so slow at once.

Symptom check:

~ Lots and lots of pimples. Everytime they go away I can feel new ones coming in.
~ Round ligament pain. Sharp and shooting pains in my lower abdomen ( both sides) that last a few seconds but seem to be happening alot more often lately.
~ Stuffy nose. It gets pretty bad in the evenings. I have a humidifier and some saline nasal spray but I would really love a decongestant. I'm going to ask about this at my next doctors appointment.
~ Toss and Turn. Since I am still getting up about 4 times a night to pee I do alot of tossing and turning.
~ Movement. Still nothing major. I have THOUGHT I felt movement a few times but I can't be positive it wasn't gas bubbles. I cannot wait to feel a kick!

I feel very lucky in this pregnancy. Those symptoms are nothing and I make it throughout the day feeling fine, if not great. I do get tired early but that's fine as long as I have no problems working and getting things done during the day.

In less then one week on October 15th I turn 35. EEEKKKKK. AAAAAHHHH. I do not want to!
It is going to happen though. Such a scary number.

Rob is going to cook us a nice dinner and I intend to have a glass of wine. I know many won't agree with this decision but I don't see anything wrong with a glass of wine once in awhile. I have not had any alcohol at all yet and do not plan on making it a habit but would like to enjoy a glass on my birthday.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Strange moods

It was such a depressing week. It rained everyday and just lasted too long. Oh well, it's over and today should be a beautiful day. We plan on walking around the city and seeing a movie. The Town.

Physically I feel fine. Emotionally I am going through something. I just feel cranky and I want to be alone alot. I'm not super emotional, crying at everything, like I think a pregnant women should be. Rather I am getting mad, angry, or annoyed at the stupidest things. It passes but is pretty intense while happening.

One example. I got mad at Rob last night. Twice. For no real reason! We were sitting on the couch and I was watching a show I like that he kind of tolerates. The Mentalist. He was playing a game on his laptop and I started to get mad that he had all day to play silly computer games and the least he could do was watch a tv show with me.
Ridiculous of me! He was right there next to me. I was watching MY show. See how stupid.

Then an hour later I got mad at him for taking to long to compose a text message and the click, click, clicking was annoying me. So I said I was tired and went into the guest room to be alone.

I had a good nights sleep and feel better now. I'm glad I didn't actually yell at him or say something I KNEW I would regret last night. These pregnancy hormones are strange.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Double Tag

I missed a few days of reading the blogs I follow and just noticed today as I was catching up that I was tagged twice and have me some questions to answer.

So first, from Baby Crazy Kiwi:

1) What do you look forward most to about being a parent?

I am looking forward to so many things. It is so hard to narrow it down. I just cannot wait to experience everything. Teaching a new person how to navigate through life. Seeing things through the eyes of a child. Watching them grow and learn and become a person and having a huge role in it. Experiencing the love a parent has for a child and seeing the love the child has for the parent. It's all so exciting right now.

2)What is your greatest fear?

I have alot of fears as well. The biggest being if my child gets sick or is in pain. I'm not sure how I will be able to handle it and it IS going to happen at some point.

3)If there was something wish you could 'do-over' in life what would it be?

I got really drunk and made an ass out of myself at my grandfathers 85th birthday party. I really wish I could do that night over!

4) When are you happiest?

Honestly I am happiest hanging on the couch watching TV with Rob at night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2nd Tag is from Lindsay at Waiting for that Positive:

1. If you could live anywhere else in the world where would it be?

I like NY because I really like seasons. Fall is my favorite. But I could go a bit colder. I am sick of being in a big city and I would prefer country life but not too far from civilization. Massachusetts or Vermont would be nice.

2. Who do you find inspiring (other than your family members)?

This is a hard one for me. I really don't know. I am inspired by everyday people in my life. But different parts of different people.

3. What was the last book you read? and What was the last one you read that you would suggest other's read?

The Girl who Played with Fire by Steig Larsson, but I would recommend his 1st book, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

4. Have you had any major injuries?

Yes, I tore my ACL , a pretty important ligament in the knee, while skiing. I had to go through 6 months of physical therapy, then have surgery, then another year of physical therapy after the surgery.

5. Do you have a favorite quote or motto?

Not really, but I am firm believer in "do to others as you want done to you" or any variation of that quote. You get the gist.

And a bonus....Because I really liked this question - Do you have a Favorite band/singer/artist?

Not right now. For years I was obsessed with Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain/Nirvanna, Pear Jam and Nine Inch Nails. Recently I've been listening to country. A strange change I realize and even I don't know why - lol


16 Week Check Up

All went great. A bit uneventful, which I'm learning is a good thing. I have gained a total of 5 pounds so far. According to my doctor that is well within normal for 16 weeks so I am happy with it. I really thought I had gained much more then that - whew!

We heard the heartbeat on her doppler and she found it in 4 seconds. She is good, it always takes me a few minuted - lol. At the end of October I have another appointment for more blood work and I start to meet the rest of the doctors in the practice.

There are currently 4 doctors and one midwife. So far I have only met the mid wife. I have chosen to have a doctor deliver though so next time I go it will be with a doctor. I will eventually meet all 4 doctors and one of them will deliver my baby. I won't know which one until I get to the hospital. I think it's a great system they have and I'm glad chances are very good I will know the doctor that will deliver.

October 29th is my anatomy scan where we also hope to find out the gender ! 1 month and 1 day away.

Monday, September 20, 2010

So Happy With My New Clothes

I honestly have no idea why I was resisting wearing maternity clothes. Over the weekend I picked up the clothes my friend lent me and then went to Destination Maternity and purchased some more. I cannot believe the difference.

1) COMFORT. Since I got my BFP I have been mostly uncomfortable anytime I had to wear something other then sweats or PJ's. At first I was bloated and though my pants still fit the bloat made them just a bit too tight. Just enough to be uncomfortable and very aware of my stomach. The bloat went away and I had maybe a week before I realized my stomach was actually growing out. I posted the 14 week pic so you get the idea.

I have been just dealing with it. My pants, if low rise, actually still fit but this weekend I was at the point where I had to either go up a size or wear maternity. I was using the rubber band trick when I could and sometimes just unbuttoning at my desk. My routine would be to get home from work, run to my bedroom, practically rip my work clothes off, and jump into comfys. Today I lingered a bit in my maternity work outfit and if I wasn't afraid I'd get it dirty, may have worn them all night.

2) Looking Pregnant. The pants I bought I love for comfort mostly and the shirts I just love. They are comfy too but their best quality is that they make me look pregnant! I love this because prior to these shirts I was just wearing baggy, oversized shirts that really just made me look and feel fat. I was getting down on myself. These shirts are fun and I feel pregnant in them. (I never wore an empire waist before.)

I feel like I just passed a milestone I hadn't known about in advance. Don't get me wrong. I KNEW when I got pregnant I would grow, get large, and need new clothes. However, knowing it and actually going through it are totally different. I was getting depressed about feeling fat and not going to the gym for a work out or setting up a diet plan. I was getting anxious about getting too big too soon. I was getting worried about just how big I was going to get.

I think this is mostly because I was so aware of my growing by having my pants cutting into my stomach all day and my shirts clinging and touching skin they never used to touch. What a difference feeling pregnant verse feeling fat can make for a persons self esteem.

I am sure as I continue to grow I will go thru an "I'm depressed and huge" phase again but for now I have cured it with a shopping trip.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Maternity Shopping

Well you all saw the pic. It is time to bite the bullet and buy some maternity clothes. I was hoping to get another month out of my regular clothes but that is not going to happen. Only the low rise pants fit and even they are uncomfortable.

A friend of mine that just had her second baby is about my height. She offered me her old maternity pants. So sweet of her. I am driving out to Long Island tomorrow to pick them up and then buy some stuff at Destination Maternity. I need work clothes the most. I was really pushing it this week at work with my regular pants.

Rob is bartending . He has been the past 2 days and will be till Wednesday. It is so odd not seeing him AT ALL. He leaves for the bar around 4pm and that is when I am leaving work for home. We just miss each other. He doesn't get home till around 1:00 am and I can't stay up that late. It's very good money though and he still hasn't found a real job yet. (More on this another time). So it's a full week of not seeing him. It's just temporary but I do miss him.

So perfect weekend to do some shopping :)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Belly pics

I'm getting very big very soon. It is freaking me out a bit.

Here is my 4 week pic:




This pic was taken today at 14 weeks:
Oh Baby!










Tuesday, September 7, 2010

2nd Trimester !

I am 13 weeks 2 days today. I know there is some controversy over when the second trimester starts. I went through most of my life assuming it was 12 weeks. I never did the math. If you do the math it is 13.333333 weeks. So I am right about there :)

The blood work from my NT scan came back. Baby passed with flying colors ! I am very happy with the results and I won't be doing a cvs or amnio.

I am still waiting for my 2nd trimester energy burst. That doesn't seem to be happening. Other then tired and fat I feel pretty good and am considering myself very lucky as far as symptoms are concerned. Even my anxiety has decreased!

I have my anatomy scan on October 29th. I'll be close to 21 weeks. Seems a bit later then most girls but I can wait. I cannot wait to find out the gender and have some further reassurance that all is going well.

More to come. Now that I am more relaxed and less anxious and feeling better I hope to blog with more frequency again.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Out of the Closet

I had my NT scan at 12 weeks 2 days on Tuesday. I won't have the "official" results until I get my blood work back next week. However, the doctor and the ultrasound tech said everything was measuring correctly and they did not find any of the markers for Down Syndrome.

Baby was being a bit stubborn. The tech had to shake my belly to wake him/her up. Then it was TOO active and she had to chase baby all over my abdomen - lol. This was ok by us as we had a good 20 minutes of watching baby move all over the place on a huge TV. There has been alot of growth and we got a new pic. Here it is :




So it went rather well :)

The baby still hates the doppler but I know it is ok and I'll keep trying, but am not going to let it stress me at all.

After this u/s went so well we decided to announce to everyone. I called a few people and told my Dad it was no longer a secret. Then I announced it on Facebook so now pretty much everyone knows. I am not sure why I was so scared to do this. My first emotion was extreme anxiety. This quickly turned to excitement as I started getting replies.

Work knows too now and yesterday I didn't get much done as people came up to me all day. It was nice :)

I am feeling ok. Still get tired easily. I am feeling "Bigger". I look bigger. In my head it is now obvious I am pregnant. However, other people are telling me otherwise. Hmmm.. I guess I just look fat. lol. Oh well, I will show for real soon enough.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Baby hates Doppler

I have a home fetal doppler. I bought it because I figured that anytime I got anxious about the pregnancy I could turn on the doppler, slide it across my tummy, hear the galloping sound of the baby's heartbeat, and be put at ease. That is not exactly what is going on here.

I didn't find the heartbeat until 1/2way through week 10. It took over 1/2 hour to locate and when I did find it I could only listen for less then a minute. It stopped. I am pretty sure the baby ran (swam) away from it. I can easily find my own heartbeat. I can easily find the placenta ( that sound like wind blowing ). I cannot easily find the baby. I normally do...eventually, though sometimes I have to put it away and come back later.

I am pretty convinced that the baby just doesn't like the doppler. And not being able to find that heartbeat right away may be causing more anxiety then it's worth. I am hoping that soon I will be able to find it more easily.

I am 11 weeks and 6 days today. One week and one day until the second trimester. 2 days until my NT ultrasound. This week has gone by very slow. I am excited for Tuesday's ultrasound!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Less then 1 week

until my NT scan. It will be on Tuesday 8/31. I will be 12 weeks 1 day. If all goes well we can come out of the pregnant closet and tell the world!

I think it will be a week or 2 before I get the reults of my blood work from that but it is a chance to see the baby again. I can't wait !! So excited and so nervous at the same time.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Update 10 weeks 4 days

I know I don't update as often anymore. It's not that I don't have much to say it's just that I have been afraid to get to attached. Miscarriage really changes this experience.

I do have some good news to report. I have FINALLY heard the heartbeat on my Doppler. I heard it this morning!! I guess it will have to be a first thing in the morning thing for me. It is most likely my tummy weight getting in the way. I carry pretty much ALL of my weight in my tummy and it grows as the day goes on - lol. Oh well. I am very happy that I finally can find it in my own home.

As far as how I am feeling it is mostly good. I am still tired all the time and actually left work an hour early yesterday because I couldn't stay awake. However, last night I slept from 8:30 pm to 5:45 am so I am much better today. My appetite is coming back. Slowly, but I ate dinner last night. ( That has been rare ). Food aversions still there. Boobs on and off sore, but mostly on. I wonder if I am just getting used to them being constantly sore if if they are easing up a bit. IDK.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Monday, August 16, 2010

10 Week Ultrasound

It went great. I met with a midwife who was very nice. She did not rush me at all and we talked for awhile. I will eventually meet all the doctors there.

The ultrasound went well. The baby is measuring exactly 10 weeks. It is getting so big !! I LOVE seeing it and wish I could have an u/s every week. I have not had anymore spotting since Tuesday morning and no bleeding at all. Though they poked around in there today so we'll see what happens this week. Hopefully my sensitive cervix has desensitzed a bit.

Here is Baby:




Thursday, August 12, 2010

Away for weekend

So this may have been the craziest week of my life. Rob and I are still are not over that misdiagnosis. I am still nervous, fearful, and anxious. I wish I didn't have to deal with spotting but so be it. I have to teach myself not to freak out over a little bit of anything. Just note it and report at next appointment. There has been no more blood but I have had that brown tinted CM I described in week 7. Same thing as then, just a tiny bit of tinted brown cm in the morning after a bowel movement. I had it yesterday but I am not at all worried about it. That being said, I hope it stops and goes away !!

Rob and I are flying to Cleveland for his family reunion today. The family has rented 2 summer houses on Lake Erie for the weekend. It is also to celebrate his dads 80th birthday. His dad was older then most when Rob was born. I'm looking forward to relaxing by the lake but I am scared that I am going to be so far from my doctor. I'm nervous something will happen and I won't be able to get home. I am not super close with Robs family. I like them. They are all nice. I just don't know them well because they all live so far away from us. We only see them about twice a year so I wouldn't feel comfortable freaking out with them. I am just really hoping there are no problems.

Symptoms seem to be easing up a bit. I still can't stay up very late and I am always hungry but nothing sounds appealing. Food just doesn't do it for me at the moment.

I get home on Sunday and Monday at 10:00 am is my first appt with the new OB practice. I have my ultrasound at 10:15am. I really hope everything goes well. I also hope I can find the little ones heartbeat on my home doppler by Monday. I will be 10 weeks so it's possible. I have found my own heartbeat in 2 different places but have not found that galloping sound of the baby's I am looking for. I know it's still early though and I did hear the heartbeat just this Monday so all is well.

Monday, August 9, 2010

I am NOT miscarrying

I just can't believe this and I am still in a state of shock right now but it turns out I am not miscarrying. The ER doctor from last night was a complete idiot !

I went to my own doctor today who had me do another sonogram. The baby has grown to 9 weeks and I AM 9 weeks and it had a great heartbeat at 183 !!!! I even saw the baby move and it has little arm buds and leg buds and I have a new picture.

I will write a more detailed post when I have calmed down a bit.

It's over again

***detailed post***

I woke up Sunday morning to some dark brown spotting. It was worse then I had before but there was no blood and nothing red so I just decided to rest for the day. Around 6:30 pm I went to the bathroom and there was a little bit of blot. I thought I noticed a small blood clot. So Rob and I decided we should go to the ER. We were given an ultrasound that showed the baby "was not very big for 9 weeks" and there was no heartbeat.

I didn't cry. I was numb. I kinda knew this morning.

The ER experience wasn't too bad except for it being a teaching hospital. The doctor was an older man who was teaching a younger man on me. The poor kid was too timid with the ultrasound want and it took them forever to get an u/s view. They said I will definitely have a miscarriage. They gave me percocets and ambien and said to follow up with my doctor Monday.

Like I said, I haven't cried. I am not sure why. To be honest I did not enjoy this pregnancy at all. My first pregnancy in April I was so happy and enjoyed every second I was pregnant. This time I was guarded and never let myself get too excited. Maybe my reaction is just delayed a bit, I don't know.

I can't sleep. I took the ambien and slept from 11 pm to 3:15 am. I am in the guest room watching tv and typing this out and it's 10 to 4 in the morning. We just told some close friends over the weekend. We'll have to take it back now. am glad I didn't announce it to everyone or on Facebook and I think next time I will just go into hiding for 2 months and not tell a soul other then Rob.

Next time. If there is a next time. Another thing with my last miscarriage was I wanted to try again that day. This time not so much. I'll be 35 in October so I am aware that I can't wait much longer but I need some time before I can do this again. I got my BFP on July 3rd. So I knew I was pregnant for over a month and I was just fearful and anxious the whole time. Mostly due to the spotting. It's been rough and I think I need a bit more time to recover. I've been pregnant twice since April. I need to be not pregnant for awhile.

I have no pain, no cramping, this miscarriage hasn't started yet. I don't know when it will. I will call my doctor this morning to see what my next step is. I am supposed to go to Rob's family reunion in Cleavland from Thurs - Sunday. We'll see what happens today with the doctor but I am thinking of skipping it.

So it's over again. I haven't fully processed my feelings yet. I haven't even had the miscarriage yet. I just really can't believe this happened again. Once is a fluke, but twice... I just don't even know what to think or how to feel right now.

I hope I fall back to sleep soon

Friday, August 6, 2010

Doctorless

Next week I will be doctorless. My current ob no longer delivers babies so I've known for awhile I would have to find a new one but due to the spotting I stayed with my current one for a bit longer then most would.

I have officially found my new practice. It is an all womens group in SoHo. They have 6 doctors and 2 midwives. I am pretty sure I meet all of them. I'll know more after my appointment. My 1st appointment with the new practice is Monday 8/16. I will be exactly 10 weeks by then. I get another ultrasound !!!!!!!!! So excited and nervous for that !

However, I have to go to Cleveland for Robs family reunion next weekend. I leave Thursday the 12th and come home Sunday the 15th. Therefore I must get my medical records from my current practice by this coming Wednesday. I called this morning and it is all set for me to go pick up my medical records on Monday. SO, From Monday 8/9 until the following Monday 8/16 I will have my own medical records and NO current doctor.

I am sure I could call the new place if I needed to. I guess. I am really hoping I do not need to.

In other news I have ordered a home fetal doppler !! It could be here by Monday if I'm lucky. I got a 3 MHertz so I'm hoping to hear the heartbeat soon ! Maybe by next week if I am lucky. I am 8 weeks 4 days today and really hope i can hear the heartbeat by 9 weeks. I won't get upset if I can't, but I really hope so.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Gaining Confidence

I am getting more and more confident every day. I have not had any more spotting and I am 8 weeks today. The fear is still there of course. I am sure it will be here until I am out of the first trimester but it is easing up some.

I have my first appointment as an OB patient tomorrow afternoon. I would give anything for another ultrasound but I doubt I will get one. I can hope and I will ask anyway. I think this appointment is for blood tests, std testing, talking about history, questions, and whats next.

My morning sickness has let up. Feeling better really should not be cause for concern but of course my paranoid personality is a bit concerned. My breasts are still sore and I am still exhausted. Yesterday I took a nap AND fell asleep at 8:30 pm so exhaustion is still my major symptom.

I am just going to relax today. Read my book and get a pedicure and just enjoy the day off.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Back from doctor

She checked me out and said she saw what I was talking about and that it is extremely light and brown and she isn't worried. She said it was on the cervix and it's old blood. If it gets worse or there is cramping or red blood I have to call again but I will probably have some more brown spotting this week. She also told me many women spot during the first trimester and are perfectly fine and they really don't know why. I REALLY hope I am one of those women.

I feel a bit better now. I mean I don't really have a concrete answer as to why the spotting but the doctor isn't concerned. My friend at work said she should have done another ultrasound. She didn't think there was a reason to but my friend thinks she is wrong and I should get a new doctor.

I am too tired and nauseous to do anything else today. I was able to eat soup and toast. It is going to be hard to work when feeling like this but I have to. I'm sorry this post is a bit run on and not coherent but I am exhausted and wanted to do a quick update.

More anxiety

Yesterday I had some more brown spotting. And again this morning. I am getting very worried. I just called my doctor and I am going in at 1pm to see her. It's very light and still brown so I am hoping it's nothing serious but I am back to anxious.

I am also very sick. Morning sickness hit full speed yesterday at work. I have been up since 4:30 am with it today. I wouldn't mind the morning sickness if I didn't have the spotting. I could have said this sick will be worth it but now I am so unsure.

Well, other then going to the doctor this is really out of my hands now. It is what it is.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Back from ultrasound

There was a wonderful heartbeat !!!!! We saw it AND heard it. The ultrasound tech said everything looked PERFECT. She said PERFECT !!!

We are so beyond excited right now.

Here is the little ones first picture !


Sunday, July 25, 2010

An update

I haven't updated in a week because I have been a mess. I try so hard to stay positive but keep switching between believing I am pregnant and it will work out and just waiting for a miscarriage to start. So at any given hour of any given day I could be convinced of one or the other. Therefore, I have been unable to write a coherent blog post.

It started with some odd discharge I have been having. I wouldn't go as far as to call it spotting. It is cervical mucus that has some color to it. Kind of a yellowish brown. Very little and it happens in the morning after a bowel movement. It happened at 5 weeks 3 days. It happened again at 6 weeks 3 days and pretty much every morning since then. I called my doctor who said to call back if it got worse or if I had red spotting or bleeding or cramping. I haven't had any of these and I am "discharge free" the rest of the day.

On a better note I have plenty of symptoms going on now. I have slight morning sickness. It is better some days then others and seems dependant on my eating habits. If I wait to long to eat I start feeling sick. I haven't been able to finish my meals as I seem to get full very fast. I get gas easily. I am bloated all the time. My biggest symptom is exhaustion. It is persistent and is not going away. I still have not made it awake passed 9:30 pm, (sometimes earlier). Lastly, my breasts are so sore they can wake me up at night if I roll over in my sleep. These symptoms are reassuring to me. I am very happy to have them right now.

Today I am 7 weeks !!!!!! Crazy. I never thought I would make it this far and I'm excited today. Tomorrow is my first ultra sound. It is officially make it or break it time. I am so incredibly nervous and excited at the same time. If it goes well I feel like I will be able to breathe for the first time in over 3 weeks. If it goes well we will start telling people. If it goes well we will both let ourselves get excited.

PLEASE, PLEASE let it go well !
Appt is at 11:30 am Monday

Monday, July 19, 2010

6 Weeks 1 day

I have now made it further in this pregnancy then I did with my last. It's a bit of a milestone :)
I am still anxious and fearful and I have that 'this-is-too-good-too-be-true' feeling. I don't want to. I want to be calm and enjoying this more and I am to an extent, but the fear is definitely the dominant emotion. I am fearful everytime I go pee and I have to go pee ALOT. I really hope that next week (yes, ONE week from today ) we see a heartbeat at the ultra sound. I am hoping I can relax and enjoy this more after that. If it does go well we will start telling people. That should help.

I have 2 major symptoms working for me right now.

1) My breasts are VERY sore.
2) I am exhausted. I can fall asleep right now and could have dropped off anytime from 11:00 am on. I have honestly never been this tired for so long. My new bed time is 9:oo pm. lol

There are more symptoms. Pimples. Fun ! My whole lower chin is now covered. I am feeling off and on queasy, (not enough to be considered morning sickness ). Stuffy nose. Frequent urination. Dry, itchy skin. I had some pretty funky, realistic dreams last night. So lots going on and that is really helping right now.

I am just taking it one day at a time while wishing I could fast forward to next week. I can do this.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Beta results

I took a beta on Monday at 3:30 pm when I was 5 weeks and 1 day and it was 2,463. The next beta was taken Wednesday at 9:00 am at 5 weeks 3 days and it was 4,266,

I freaked out because it did not quite double. However, my doctor says this is perfectly normal and in range for a viable pregnancy. It was not a full 48 hours in between tests and we went ahead and scheduled an ultrasound for Monday July 26th. ( which cannot get here fast enough ).

After posting this on TMP I got some very re-assuring replies. Apparently betas take 48-72 hours to double AND once the number rises above 1,200 they can take up to 96 hours to double. (thank you Susan). And I believe these girls on TMP know more then most doctors. That and I went ahead and researched this for about 2 hours ;)

I am no longer worried. I have a doubling time of 52 hours and that is perfectly normal and within range. I am, after all, striving for normal here.

Also worth mentioning is that my first beta for my last pregnancy was a whopping 356. That was taken at 5 weeks 2 days so I think I'm way ahead of the game :)

The next 10 days could very well be the longest of my life !

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

1st Doctor Appt.

I had my first doctors appointment yesterday. It was different then I thought it would be. They were all very nice and seemed alot less rushed then I am used to there. The doctor said my cervix is high and closed and that was very good. Then she told me she wants to do a set of betas to make sure they are doubling so I have "some extra reassurance".

I wasn't expecting that and was so happy to hear I had that option. Last time they didn't even tell me my beta number, just that I was indeed pregnant. Well, I already know I am pregnant so I am not too concerned about that first number. I am concerned about that 2nd test though.

I feel like I am under alot of pressure to get this number to double. I know there is nothing I could do to help it along, but I wish there was !

My first blood draw was yesterday and my second is Wednesday. I will know the results by Thursday ! EEEEKKKK

If all goes well I can schedule an ultrasound after that. I am hoping to do the ultrasound in week 7. I am 5 weeks 2 days today and I know this week is going to go b extra slow

Monday, July 12, 2010

My HPT Experiments

So I have not actually stopped testing yet. I have taken 3 different types of HPT's this past week and thought I would let you in on how that went.

FRER - Obviously the best and easiest to read. I DID miss the faint line on 12 dpo but when i looked at it a day later I was kicking myself for missing that. so I got my first real line on an FRER at 13 dpo. by 16 dpo the line could not possibly get any darker on this test.

Answer - Very similar to the FRER. If I had know this before I may have just used these as they are a bit cheaper. I actually think on 15 dpo the Answer brand test was darker.

Dollar Tree - These worked surprisingly well. However, here in NYC they are not actually a dollar. they are $2.99. But hey, much cheaper then the previous two and I only took one at 16 dpo and that had a great, strong line on it.

IC's. I don't have great things to say about these. I used the ones from early pregnancy -dot-com. On 13 dpo it was there but so faint I might have chalked it up to an evap line. Same at 14dpo. By 15dpo it was pink and it was there but it was still a faint line. Throughout the week it got progressively darker. I did not get a blaring positive ( 2 lines the same shade ) till today. Today is TWENTY TWO dpo. 1 week and 2 days since I first saw a positive on the FRER.

To sum up I can say that I won't be using the IC's anymore. If it is a money thing then the dollar tree tests are the way to go. And the FRER is still my favorite but that Answer test is a very close second.

My POAS time is hopefully over for awhile now. I have only one IC left and since I don't think it can get any darker I don't need to use it.

Ahhh, it was a fun experiment.
I have my first beta today and I will hopefully get to schedule an u/s at this appointment. I should get a phone call tomorrow with my beta results. It will be great :)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

5 Weeks

I don't want to be nervous. I want to be enjoying this pregnancy. I am REALLY trying hard but this week may be tough. Today I am 5 weeks. When I had my miscarriage I started spotting during this week, towards the end and actually miscarried a few days later in week 6.

I feel like if I can make it exactly one more week I will feel better. Things seem to be going just fine. I really have no reason to worry, though I have been a MAJOR TPI (toilet paper inspector). I am lacking in any major symptoms still. I am exhausted but I really think that is due to quitting caffeine. May take a bit longer to get used to that. Why didn't I start that while TTC. Oh well.

Apologies, I just had to let that out.

Today I am going to meet a very good friends newborn. Reagan was born less then a week ago. I hope I get to hold her. She's a little one, less then 6 pounds. Maybe this will get me more excited and less anxious. I hope so.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

4 weeks 4 days

Everything is still going well. I am happy to tell you that today I did NOT POAS ! LOL. Yes, today is 18 dpo and I have been testing daily ( okay some days twice ) since I got that first positive test. I wanted to make sure those tests were going in the right direction before I called my doctor. They are !

Symptoms:

Not much of anything. I kinda feel like I have PMS. Breasts a little sore but not too bad, bloated, and some mood swings. I have been getting up to pee alot more in the night.

I have a doctors appt for Monday. My doctor is on vacation and I do not want to wait 2 weeks to go in so I am going to see her partner on Monday. First appt is no big deal so I don't mind. The practice I go to is GYN only so after I get my first ultrasound and everything is good I will have to find an OB. My doctor will help me.

We have told NO ONE. Though how long I can keep this quiet is up in the air. I really want to get to that first u/s. So I guess we can keep it quiet and enjoy it for ourselves for a few more weeks.

Monday, July 5, 2010

This pregnancy is already different

And different in a good way. I know it's way early but I already feel better about it then I did last time.

1) I have had no spotting. Last time I had some strange spotting at 11 and 13dpo. It had me worried from the beginning ( turns out for good reason ).

2) My HPT's. Last time I did not get a positive test until 16 dpo ! And that was faint and took FOREVER to become a blaring positive. I felt worried about that as well. This time I got a good line at 13 dpo. ( probably should have seen that very faint one at 12 dpo ). AND an even darker one today at 15 dpo. Today is the day AF was due.

So last time I didn't even know I was pg at this point.

3) I have no symptoms. I had very sore breasts right away with my last one and I have nothing with this one. I don't like this but it's early and I know it's normal.

I really am going to do my best to stay relaxed and not worry about this pg. It's hard but so far everything looks good.

I am pregnant now and I WILL enjoy this.
(this is what I say to myself 50 times a day)

Saturday, July 3, 2010

We Dit It !

I feel a little stupid for being so crabby and negative the past few days now. I got a positive test this morning !!!!!!


I was reading through some posts on TMP where people said they saw lines on tests where I didn't see any lines. But everyone else seemed to see them so I figured I wasn't tilting my head the right way or something. This gave me an idea.


I ran to the trash can for yesterdays test and examined it more closely and in every light possible. After about 15 minutes I thought I might have seen something there. I looked away and back again and it was possible. However it was also possible my mind was forcing my eyes to create that line.


I was driving myself crazy so I went for a fresh FRER. I had already pee'd twice that morning so I really wasn't expecting this to work at all.


I saw the line right away ! I showed it to Rob before it even finished drying. It's there and a pretty shade of pink for 13 dpo.


We are so excited and I must say a bit anxious. I am going to do my best to be as relaxed as possible and not worry about this pregnancy.


I am pregnant RIGHT NOW and I am so freaking happy !!!!



pic of my 13dpo test. I'll test again in 2 days and hope the lines get darker but I am happy with this test.




Friday, July 2, 2010

Another BFN

12 dpo and another BFN this morning. Plus a temp drop as a bonus. grrr

I'm actually ok with it right now. I was really bummed out when I got that negative 2 days ago and I just kind of expected it this time. I don't think I am going to test so early next time. I was CONVINCED I was pregnant at 10 dpo and after that negative test I was sure I was NOT pregnant. So I think I would have had 2 more hopeful, happy days if I did not test so early.

Live and learn...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Some pics and a concert

I never take pictures. I am horrible about it. I am trying to get better but I always forget my camera.

The neighborhood in NYC that I live in has a few summer concerts in a nearby park. Last night was a pretty good Cuban band. I can't remember the name because it was in Spanish and I don't speak Spanish. Anyway, the park is close by and we got out the blankets packed up some food and drinks and met a few friends for the concert. We had a great time !
As usual I forgot my camera so I took pics on my cell phone. I thought it might be nice to give people a visual of who Rob and I are.


Here's me:



Here's Rob:


And here's a pic of the stage. The lightinging isn't great and you can't really see the band, but you get the idea.

The building in the background is where I live:

Back to TTC:
I am 11 dpo today. I didn't test this morning but do plan on it tomorrow. I had a high temp this morning but do not trust it because I woke up at 4:00 am and used the bathroom. I went back to sleep but I was very restless and don't think I got any real consecutive hours in before 6:30 am temping time.









Wednesday, June 30, 2010

10 dpo

BFN :(

I am way more bummed then I thought I would be. I was really hoping hard in the myth that you are super fertile following a miscarriage. I guess I shouldn't have expected it to happen right away. I am 34 and Rob is 35 so it will take us a few months. I just really wanted it now.

I know it's not over yet. My temps have dropped but not too much and my LP is typically 14 days so I can test again in 2 days then if af doesn't show, again in another 2 days. I am just no longer feeling it this month. It was an FRER 6 days early test and I am 4 or 5 days pre-af.

I have also gained at least 5 pounds since the m/c. I am very angry at myself for this. My weight has come on so quickly since I quit smoking and hit 33. I used to be a size 4. I was ok with a size 6. Now I am in between an 8 and a 10. Tho I think I will have to admit I am probablly a real size 10 now. I am only 5 feet tall so this weight looks horrible on me.

The extra 5 pounds is all from letting myself go. After the miscarriage I took comfort in eating whatever I wanted and drinking lots of wine. I also did not work out AT ALL. Since we started trying again I have cut out the excessive food and drink but haven't really worked out much.

Monday I started back with the elliptical machine. 20 minutes Monday and Tuesday. My back has been giving me problems since i gained weight so that was the real motivation. But I want to continue with the workouts at least 5 days a week.

I need more energy. I need to be less lazy. I need to lose at least 5 pounds. I will try my best.

Monday, June 28, 2010

8 dpo

Today is 8 dpo. I really have no idea. I am trying my best to hold out until 10 dpo to test. That's Wednesday. I can totally make it.

We had a good weekend but I am feeling a bit guilty about something. We went to a small bbq on Saturday. Had a great time until my friends wife tells me they are going to start TTC next month. My first thought was something like "Please don't let it happen right away. Please let ME be next"

Horrible right ? gah. I hate it that I thought that right away. This whole TTC process is starting to change me. To my credit, I am pretty sure I acted the right way and said all the right things to her.

Still, if I do not get a BFP by Friday, I may just have to avoid that couple for awhile....

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I Ovulated

Fertility Friend gave me crosshairs after I entered this mornings temp. They say I ovulated on CD 15. If that is true out timing was great this cycle. I hope it's true.
*does a happy dance*



Fertility Friend confuses me. I cannot for the life of me figure out why it chose day 15 over day 16 but I don't really care. Either day is fine. As long as it doesn't change in the next few days I am happy.

Also, I think the cover line is too low. I would have personally made it higher as it looks like I have a ton of temps above the coverline pre ovulation. hmmmm. It's kinda of nice though as I might not stress as much if my temp drops below 97.9.



So that's it. I am officially 3dpo today. In the 2 week wait. The hard part is over and now I can relax a bit until testing time. I think I will start testing at 10dpo which is one week from today !

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Blog Roll

I added a blog roll the other day. I am not all that sure on blog etiquette though. I noticed mine on a few other blogs so I figured it was ok to just add any blog I follow. I hope it is. It makes it so much easier to keep up with everyone's blog this way.

However, if you see your blog here and aren't comfortable with me sharing it just let me know and I will remove it. OR, if you don't see your blog and would like it added just let me know and I would love to add it.

I honestly have no idea who reads this blog ! lol. It doesn't matter though it's open to anyone that stumbles on it.

In TTC news my temp did increase a bit today. Not all that much but I have decided not to stress over it anymore. I did travel outside the country to a different climate this cycle and I did just recover from a miscarriage. I will not freak out about a funky chart on day 17. Who knows, Fertility Friend may just be waiting a few more days to tell me I ovulated yesterday.

Not gonna stress, not gonna stress, not gonna stress..........

Monday, June 21, 2010

Still No O. Getting Discouraged

It's Day 16 and I am confused and frustrated.

First off my temp did not rise enough this morning so I have not ovulated yet. I really thought it would have by today. My OPK turned negative yesterday. I have no more EWCM and the worst part is that I am spotting today ! Ugghhhh

I started spotting right after Rob and I DTD last night and still have a little spotting going on now. If it was just the one incident I would have blamed it on the sex but now this is twice in 3 days ! I think I am having mid-cycle spotting and that is never a good thing.

*Great Big Sigh*

I don't know what to do. Do we keep DTD or is it all pointless now ? Do I still have a chance at ovulating tomorrow ? I doubt it since I had my first positive OPK on Day 13. Did my body try to ovulate and fail ? Is mid-cycle bleeding a sign of infection ? Is my body just still recovering from the miscarriage ?

I don't know.

I guess I just wait and see what the next few days brings. Why is this whole process so frustrating for me ?

Bah. I am just thinking outloud and do not really expect anyone to be able to answer these questions.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Day 14. Ovulation?

Day 14 and I am thinking I am seriously fertile right now. I take 2 OPK's a day. One digital and one IC. I just like the confirmation that I am reading the tests right. (they get dipped in the same cup). Today on the IC the second line showed up fast ! By the time it dried the test line was MUCH darker than the control line. I have never seen a test line so dark on this type of IC. I actually got confused and thought I was looking at it backwards. Also, the digi gave me another smiley face.

TMI part ahead:

I have had alot of EWCM this month. ( last month too, it's strange ). Today, however, there was a little bit of blood in the EWCM. I think it's ovulation spotting. I get it every once in awhile.

My temp did go up this morning but not enough to think I already ovulated. And so far no ovulation pains. But that super-positive OPK and today's CM make me think i ovulated... oh, about an hour ago.

We did DTD last night. Twice. I would really like to go again right NOW but Rob isn't home. He should be home by 9:00 and I am hoping he will be in the mood. He wasn't feeling well earlier so I am a bit worried. When he's sick it just can't happen. So I hope he got better instead of worse.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Back Home with a Smiley Face

Awesome.
Our vacation was amazing ! We had so much fun. Relaxed, read by the beach/pool. We went out for a nice dinner every night. Went into town. Basically a very relaxing beach vacation and so much needed.

We got home last night and I took a digital OPK earlier and got a smiley face !!!!
On CD 13. It's the earliest I have gotten one. We didn't DTD last night but did the night before and will def get on that all weekend. I am hoping to ovulate tomorrow but won't mind if it's today.

I had a serious temp drop this morning and I blamed it on travel but maybe it's that pre-O temp drop ? I hope so. I have the day off and I love Ovulating on a weekend.

I went online just now and ordered 16 pregnancy tests. LOL. yeah i know I'm being a bit silly but I don't care. I got two 3 packs of FRER and 10 IC's. I know I went through at least that many when I got my BFP and to be honest am a bit embarrassed to go back to the pharmacy to buy them...again. So I just went with a bulk online order.

Other good news - Rob MAY have a lead on a job. I really hope it pans out. It's his first real bite since he got laid off. Fingers and toes are crossed.

I did have something rather upsetting happen right before I left for vacation but this is such a positive post that I'd rather leave it off on a high note. Thinking positive over here.

Friday, June 11, 2010

1 Week Blog Break

I have to be at a confirmation in CT all day tomorrow and then I leave early Sunday morning for the Bahamas. We are bringing Robs laptop so I hope to be able to update my chart. I will not be blogging until I get back though.

I'll be back online Friday 6/18 to freak out about ovulation :p
Yes I am packing the thermometer.

I hope everyone has a great weekend/week !!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Vacation, Temps, & Unemployment

I'm looking forward to our vacation. We leave for the Bahamas on Sunday and come home Thursday. I KNOW that travel can screw with charting. Also the major climate change and sun burns and drinking and going to bed later and all that fun stuff will mess things up. But I don't mind. I will most likely ovulate when we get home anyway. We'll see how it goes. I am not going to stress over temps on vacation.

I had a nice low temp this morning. It's a good pre-ovulatory temp. They stayed relatively high all last cycle and I am pretty sure I never ovulated due to the miscarriage so I am happy that my body seems to be regulating.

Robs unemployment is starting to get to him. He is doing all he can to get a job but the market just plain sux. He is getting beyond bored. I'm afraid of how this will go if he is out of work much longer. It is already beginning to test us. The two of us have been through too much in the past few months. We just want to have some normalcy back. This vacation is more then needed.

It's odd. I really thought I would be jealous of his sleeping in and not having to go to work everyday. I'm not at ALL. The only thing that worries me is that he is getting addicted to video games again. That's a topic for another time though.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

CD 1 !

I am so happy. It's CD 1 today !

Our TTC break is officially over.

AND I will not have my period for our vacation next week. I am really glad it worked out this way. I hope this it. I want that BFP this cycle.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Day 29

It has been 29 days since I miscarried. My chart is pretty useless and i have not gotten my period yet. Not even any spotting. I have absolutely no way of knowing when it will come. I can't pinpoint ovulation so I cannot go off my lp.

It kinda sux not knowing. I need to work on this whole patience thing a bit more. I am optimistically hoping that it will be here this upcoming week, but I can't know. It could show up tomorrow or it may be another 2 weeks. My temps seemed to have steadied a bit and are in the post-O range and my breasts are still sore. Hopefully it will be sooner then later.

There is no real chance of an "oops baby". We were careful. Ironically, we are very good at preventing.

I hope to update with a CD 1 post soon.