Sunday, August 29, 2010

Baby hates Doppler

I have a home fetal doppler. I bought it because I figured that anytime I got anxious about the pregnancy I could turn on the doppler, slide it across my tummy, hear the galloping sound of the baby's heartbeat, and be put at ease. That is not exactly what is going on here.

I didn't find the heartbeat until 1/2way through week 10. It took over 1/2 hour to locate and when I did find it I could only listen for less then a minute. It stopped. I am pretty sure the baby ran (swam) away from it. I can easily find my own heartbeat. I can easily find the placenta ( that sound like wind blowing ). I cannot easily find the baby. I normally do...eventually, though sometimes I have to put it away and come back later.

I am pretty convinced that the baby just doesn't like the doppler. And not being able to find that heartbeat right away may be causing more anxiety then it's worth. I am hoping that soon I will be able to find it more easily.

I am 11 weeks and 6 days today. One week and one day until the second trimester. 2 days until my NT ultrasound. This week has gone by very slow. I am excited for Tuesday's ultrasound!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Less then 1 week

until my NT scan. It will be on Tuesday 8/31. I will be 12 weeks 1 day. If all goes well we can come out of the pregnant closet and tell the world!

I think it will be a week or 2 before I get the reults of my blood work from that but it is a chance to see the baby again. I can't wait !! So excited and so nervous at the same time.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Update 10 weeks 4 days

I know I don't update as often anymore. It's not that I don't have much to say it's just that I have been afraid to get to attached. Miscarriage really changes this experience.

I do have some good news to report. I have FINALLY heard the heartbeat on my Doppler. I heard it this morning!! I guess it will have to be a first thing in the morning thing for me. It is most likely my tummy weight getting in the way. I carry pretty much ALL of my weight in my tummy and it grows as the day goes on - lol. Oh well. I am very happy that I finally can find it in my own home.

As far as how I am feeling it is mostly good. I am still tired all the time and actually left work an hour early yesterday because I couldn't stay awake. However, last night I slept from 8:30 pm to 5:45 am so I am much better today. My appetite is coming back. Slowly, but I ate dinner last night. ( That has been rare ). Food aversions still there. Boobs on and off sore, but mostly on. I wonder if I am just getting used to them being constantly sore if if they are easing up a bit. IDK.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Monday, August 16, 2010

10 Week Ultrasound

It went great. I met with a midwife who was very nice. She did not rush me at all and we talked for awhile. I will eventually meet all the doctors there.

The ultrasound went well. The baby is measuring exactly 10 weeks. It is getting so big !! I LOVE seeing it and wish I could have an u/s every week. I have not had anymore spotting since Tuesday morning and no bleeding at all. Though they poked around in there today so we'll see what happens this week. Hopefully my sensitive cervix has desensitzed a bit.

Here is Baby:

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Away for weekend

So this may have been the craziest week of my life. Rob and I are still are not over that misdiagnosis. I am still nervous, fearful, and anxious. I wish I didn't have to deal with spotting but so be it. I have to teach myself not to freak out over a little bit of anything. Just note it and report at next appointment. There has been no more blood but I have had that brown tinted CM I described in week 7. Same thing as then, just a tiny bit of tinted brown cm in the morning after a bowel movement. I had it yesterday but I am not at all worried about it. That being said, I hope it stops and goes away !!

Rob and I are flying to Cleveland for his family reunion today. The family has rented 2 summer houses on Lake Erie for the weekend. It is also to celebrate his dads 80th birthday. His dad was older then most when Rob was born. I'm looking forward to relaxing by the lake but I am scared that I am going to be so far from my doctor. I'm nervous something will happen and I won't be able to get home. I am not super close with Robs family. I like them. They are all nice. I just don't know them well because they all live so far away from us. We only see them about twice a year so I wouldn't feel comfortable freaking out with them. I am just really hoping there are no problems.

Symptoms seem to be easing up a bit. I still can't stay up very late and I am always hungry but nothing sounds appealing. Food just doesn't do it for me at the moment.

I get home on Sunday and Monday at 10:00 am is my first appt with the new OB practice. I have my ultrasound at 10:15am. I really hope everything goes well. I also hope I can find the little ones heartbeat on my home doppler by Monday. I will be 10 weeks so it's possible. I have found my own heartbeat in 2 different places but have not found that galloping sound of the baby's I am looking for. I know it's still early though and I did hear the heartbeat just this Monday so all is well.

Monday, August 9, 2010

I am NOT miscarrying

I just can't believe this and I am still in a state of shock right now but it turns out I am not miscarrying. The ER doctor from last night was a complete idiot !

I went to my own doctor today who had me do another sonogram. The baby has grown to 9 weeks and I AM 9 weeks and it had a great heartbeat at 183 !!!! I even saw the baby move and it has little arm buds and leg buds and I have a new picture.

I will write a more detailed post when I have calmed down a bit.

It's over again

***detailed post***

I woke up Sunday morning to some dark brown spotting. It was worse then I had before but there was no blood and nothing red so I just decided to rest for the day. Around 6:30 pm I went to the bathroom and there was a little bit of blot. I thought I noticed a small blood clot. So Rob and I decided we should go to the ER. We were given an ultrasound that showed the baby "was not very big for 9 weeks" and there was no heartbeat.

I didn't cry. I was numb. I kinda knew this morning.

The ER experience wasn't too bad except for it being a teaching hospital. The doctor was an older man who was teaching a younger man on me. The poor kid was too timid with the ultrasound want and it took them forever to get an u/s view. They said I will definitely have a miscarriage. They gave me percocets and ambien and said to follow up with my doctor Monday.

Like I said, I haven't cried. I am not sure why. To be honest I did not enjoy this pregnancy at all. My first pregnancy in April I was so happy and enjoyed every second I was pregnant. This time I was guarded and never let myself get too excited. Maybe my reaction is just delayed a bit, I don't know.

I can't sleep. I took the ambien and slept from 11 pm to 3:15 am. I am in the guest room watching tv and typing this out and it's 10 to 4 in the morning. We just told some close friends over the weekend. We'll have to take it back now. am glad I didn't announce it to everyone or on Facebook and I think next time I will just go into hiding for 2 months and not tell a soul other then Rob.

Next time. If there is a next time. Another thing with my last miscarriage was I wanted to try again that day. This time not so much. I'll be 35 in October so I am aware that I can't wait much longer but I need some time before I can do this again. I got my BFP on July 3rd. So I knew I was pregnant for over a month and I was just fearful and anxious the whole time. Mostly due to the spotting. It's been rough and I think I need a bit more time to recover. I've been pregnant twice since April. I need to be not pregnant for awhile.

I have no pain, no cramping, this miscarriage hasn't started yet. I don't know when it will. I will call my doctor this morning to see what my next step is. I am supposed to go to Rob's family reunion in Cleavland from Thurs - Sunday. We'll see what happens today with the doctor but I am thinking of skipping it.

So it's over again. I haven't fully processed my feelings yet. I haven't even had the miscarriage yet. I just really can't believe this happened again. Once is a fluke, but twice... I just don't even know what to think or how to feel right now.

I hope I fall back to sleep soon

Friday, August 6, 2010


Next week I will be doctorless. My current ob no longer delivers babies so I've known for awhile I would have to find a new one but due to the spotting I stayed with my current one for a bit longer then most would.

I have officially found my new practice. It is an all womens group in SoHo. They have 6 doctors and 2 midwives. I am pretty sure I meet all of them. I'll know more after my appointment. My 1st appointment with the new practice is Monday 8/16. I will be exactly 10 weeks by then. I get another ultrasound !!!!!!!!! So excited and nervous for that !

However, I have to go to Cleveland for Robs family reunion next weekend. I leave Thursday the 12th and come home Sunday the 15th. Therefore I must get my medical records from my current practice by this coming Wednesday. I called this morning and it is all set for me to go pick up my medical records on Monday. SO, From Monday 8/9 until the following Monday 8/16 I will have my own medical records and NO current doctor.

I am sure I could call the new place if I needed to. I guess. I am really hoping I do not need to.

In other news I have ordered a home fetal doppler !! It could be here by Monday if I'm lucky. I got a 3 MHertz so I'm hoping to hear the heartbeat soon ! Maybe by next week if I am lucky. I am 8 weeks 4 days today and really hope i can hear the heartbeat by 9 weeks. I won't get upset if I can't, but I really hope so.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Gaining Confidence

I am getting more and more confident every day. I have not had any more spotting and I am 8 weeks today. The fear is still there of course. I am sure it will be here until I am out of the first trimester but it is easing up some.

I have my first appointment as an OB patient tomorrow afternoon. I would give anything for another ultrasound but I doubt I will get one. I can hope and I will ask anyway. I think this appointment is for blood tests, std testing, talking about history, questions, and whats next.

My morning sickness has let up. Feeling better really should not be cause for concern but of course my paranoid personality is a bit concerned. My breasts are still sore and I am still exhausted. Yesterday I took a nap AND fell asleep at 8:30 pm so exhaustion is still my major symptom.

I am just going to relax today. Read my book and get a pedicure and just enjoy the day off.