It's over

I has some strange spotting last night. Tinted CM really. I tried so hard to convince myself it was from Monday's pelvic exam, but I knew. I started crying last night and I haven't stopped. I cannot even talk to anyone. When I try to talk I cry. I had to take the day off.

This morning I woke up and I was fine. Then after a BM I had some light bleeding. Like the kind you get a few hours before you get your period. It was a reddish brown color. There was definitely red in there. I know a miscarriage has begun.

Rob and I are more then devastated. I can tell he is trying to be strong for me, but I know this is hitting him hard as well.

I have a fear it may be ectopic. I think this because my hpts took a long time to get dark, making me think my levels were rising too slowly. Also, I have been having a sharp pelvic pains, which I think is a sign of ectopic.

At this point I am just really hoping to have a normal, natural miscarriage. I don't want drugs or surgery. I want to start trying again right away. I have to call the doctor soon and see what I should do next. No cramping and no heavy bleeding. I am not sure there is anything she can actually tell me at this point. I am only 6 weeks along. (according to her, if you go by my ovulation day I am only 5 weeks and 4 days )

I really don't want anyone to tell me it is spotting and there is still a chance. It is over and I know it.