I woke up to cramping and bleeding. The doctor will call me this morning with my HCG number. I am hoping it is going down appropriately and I can start TTC right away.
I haven't been able to talk on the phone yet. Every time I tried, I started to cry. I know it is ok to cry. I just dislike doing it on the phone. I am very lucky though. I have alot of support in real life. I told a few more people over email yesterday. 2 girls I work with. Turns out both of them had miscarriages with their first pregnancy. I had no idea. It gives me hope that both of these women went on to have healthy babies after their miscarriages.
I guess this is not a topic that ever comes up in normal, everyday conversation.
It is not my fault. I did NOTHING wrong. I know this. It is just so damn hard to actually believe. I can't help feeling like Rob gave me this amazing gift and I was unable to take care of it. I feel guilty and a bit ashamed. Logically, I am aware that these are misplaced feelings but I cannot help feeling them anyway.
I'll be ok. I know I am 'over-blogging' but it has really helped to get these feelings out.