Tuesday, May 25, 2010

2 Newborns 1 Weekend

Baby Number 1, Harrison:

On Saturday Rob and I went to visit friends whose baby boy was born two weeks ago. Harrison is a preemie. He currently weighs just under 6 pounds and is the tiniest baby I ever ever held. I love him already. I held him for exactly 43 minutes before I would give anyone else a turn. I did not want to give him back. I did eventually but it wasn't easy.

When I was holding him everyone else was eating lunch and my head was just spinning. I realized that I am so focused on getting and staying pregnant that I never actually let myself think of what it would be like to actually have a baby. I guess my superstitious brain would never go that far until it was time. I never got to that time. Not yet anyway.

As I was holding Harrison I couldn't control it. My brain went there. I imagined my own tiny baby and being on our own couch in our own apartment holding him or her. I imagined feedings and changings and baths. I even imagined how it would feel to let other people hold my baby. I let my mind go there for the first time and it was a great feeling. I cannot wait for those imagined feelings to become a reality.

Sadly, the experience has not helped my patience level during this TTC process. We have decided to wait until my next period to try and we are sticking to that decision. It isn't too long of a wait and I was ok with it before Saturday. Now the wait is killing me.

Baby Number 2, Zoey:

Sunday was my cousins college graduation dinner. My uncle is 60 and his wife is about 40. ( No one knows her real age and she won't tell so this is just a good guess ). Anyway after 4 years of trying they now have Zoey. She was born around Easter. Full term and perfectly healthy.

I didn't get to spend much time with her. No one did. The mother hid in a corner with her until the actual dinner. At dinner the mother sat in a corner with Zoey in a car seat next to her. Zoey was never taken out of the car seat and either slept or used a pacifier or had a bottle. So no real feelings emerged out of meeting her. Really, all anyone was allowed to do was wave at her.

Not one person, including her parents, held that baby for over 4 hours. My 7 year old cousin asked and was told a very loud, "NO WAY". I get it. Public place/newborn they were just being protective. I still think it's weird. My uncle barely looked at his daughter and his wife basically hid her in a corner all night. I don't know, I don't mean to sound critical but it just felt off somehow.
The Difference:

It was so different from our friends I mentioned earlier, who have a steady stream of people coming over and are laid back and pretty much throw the baby into the arms of anyone that calls him cute. They are so proud and love that everyone loves him. My uncle and his wife were the exact opposite. It's like couple 1 wants to share with the world and couple 2 want to hide from the world.

Couple 1 are much younger and conceived the first month of trying. Couple 2 tried for 4 years to have Zoey. Maybe that plays into it.

I wonder which way Rob and I will go ? Overprotective or laid back. I hope it's laid back but I haven't been there yet so I can't know.

I'm done babbling.

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