Bad Timing

Rob lost his job yesterday. Nothing he did wrong. Just cutbacks and a sucky economy. We'll be fine. He was given a severance that is basically the same as him being paid for the next 5 months. We have a savings if it goes longer then that. I have a good job and we are both on my health insurance.

It just sucks because I really wanted to leave the city and buy a house. That's what our savings is for. And to find out he's been laid off 3 days after we find out I'm pregnant just kinda sucks. A bit more anxiety to add to my already anxiety riddled self. Oh well, it isn't the end of the world and it could end up being a good thing. Who knows, perhaps he will get a better job he really likes. I just really wanted to move out of the city.

I'm already jealous that he gets to sleep in and might get to sleep in for the next 6 months to a year. grrrrrr.
However, he did promise to be my butler while he's unemployed. LOL ! That will so not happen.

Pregnancy Update:

The past 2 nights I felt QUEASY ! YAY for symptoms ! Makes it feel a bit more real. I'm also tired earlier but that may be due to cutting back on caffeine.

My FRER hasn't yet become a blazing positive. It is getting a bit darker every day and is still a strong line and it hasn't gotten any lighter so, I don't know. Yesterday I convinced myself that I wasn't pregnant. Then I felt like I was going to vomit and figured out that I am pregnant. I'm going to drive myself crazy and I've only known I've been prego since Monday.

I just wish that both lines were EXACTLY the same color or better yet, that the test line was darker. I know I should just be happy that there is a line. I will try to not go crazy over this.

Much calmer now

I was so excited and distracted yesterday I could not even think. My hands were shaking when I took that crappy cell phone pic of my 1st home pregnancy test. I'll add another more clear one to the bottom of this post. It DID get a bit darker !

I have a million questions. I told Rob right away. I don't have a cute story about that. I just woke him up and (still shaking ) said "There are TWO lines". Then I said not to get excited till it gets darker. But we both already are.

I don't think I did very much work yesterday. I couldn't concentrate to save my life. It was killing me not to be able to tell everyone. I held out though. I really want to tell EVERYONE. I am going to wait a bit on that though. We haven't really discussed how or when we will announce.

We have a dinner tomorrow night with one of my best friends her husband and my sister and her boyfriend. These are the people who I want to know right away. If something bad ends up happening they are the people I would want to know about that too. But it is really early and I have to check with Rob on that. I'll probably tell them :p

I am calmer now, but still too excited to sleep. i woke up at 4:00 am and tested again. After that I was just awake. I am going to take the day off work. Just need a day to get myself together. I want to go to Barnes and Noble and pick up some books. I have not let myself read 'What to expect when you are expecting'. I was superstitious. i wanted to be pg before I read it. So I really want to go to the bookstore and get it.
I hope they have it !

I am pregnant !
I said it. It is real now :)

Here is this mornings hpt:

Please, Please, Please ! ! !

Please let this be true !

It's a positive test ! But the line isn't that dark for 16 dpo. I also had spotting twice last week. Brown, so that is good, but I would prefer none at all.

I am going to make myself believe in Implementation Spotting. I believe in you. I am sorry for doubting your existence.

This was 2nd morning urine.

I am so nervous. I want to be excited, I really do, but it shouldn't it be darker ?

I am going to get a bunch more FRER and pee on sticks all week !

Please stick little bean, Please ! !

Still Waiting

I don't know what is wrong with AF this month. The spotting stopped. She's coming. I know she is on her way but she sure is taking her sweet time. I think I remember this happening back in December. I wasn't charting or blogging then so I can't remember exact dates. I know I started spotting, stopped for a few days. I thought AF was late and got excited and started testing. She obviously came. It was a strange, unusually light visit though.

I won't get excited this time. I have been charting so I know when I ovulated and I also know that AF isn't really late, I just ovulated later in my cycle.

Rob and I talked last night and we decided not to get depressed by her visit this time. We are going to enjoy all the things we have been trying to give up while TTC. We are going to be totally unhealthy for a few days. Drink whatever we want. Eat as much as we want. I'm talking lobster drenched in loads of butter and bacon, egg, and cheeses for breakfast. Too much wine and I'm even considering dessert. I never eat dessert but why not. I want a bacon cheeseburger too. Can you tell I love bacon ? And no exercising allowed.

We'll both get back on the healthy train by Monday but will OVERindulge while AF is here. I'm actually beginning to look forward to her visit.

Sigh

Spotting has started. AF is most definitely on her way. She will be here today or tomorrow. Another failed cycle. I didn't even get to test this time. Great big loud dramatic *Sigh*

I also think I am going to have to suck it up and start temping vaginally. I really don't want to do this. However, my allergies have been pretty bad this week and yesterday was horrible. I woke up this morning and I couldn't breathe through my nose at ALL. I couldn't temp. I tried but couldn't hold my breath long enough for the thermometer to beep. The temp would have been off anyway due to sleeping with an open mouth. Turns out it didn't matter but I have a feeling this allergy season may be worse then usual.

I must say that I am a bit scared to temp vaginally. I guess maybe I'm more embarrassed. Rob always wakes up when I temp. He's going to find it odd when I wake up and stick the thermometer in it's new place. I find it kinda gross myself. I have some time to decide if I will go through with this and whether or not I will tell him in advance or try to sneak it. Obviously I cannot temp while AF is here. eeeewwwwww

FML

Yesterday was 11 dpo so I took a walk to CVS after work and purchased a 3 pack of the FRER 6-day early test. I had planned on testing this morning. When I got home I used the bathroom and I had some very odd spotting. A few blood clots that were dark red/maroon in color. Figures.

It's way too soon for AF ! If this really is her visit then my LP is way too short. I didn't even have the usual warning signs of her visit. My breasts haven't even become very sore yet. A bit sore on the sides but not the kind of sore that I am used to.

IDK. I just wanted to make note of this. My temp went back up today and no more spotting since that one time, but I really don't have much hope anymore for this cycle. AF is on her way. I did not even bother wasting the FRER I bought.

It's not implementation bleeding because
a) I'm not sure I believe that even exists, and
b) It was maroon, not red and not brown

So yeah, FML

Fertility Friend really IS my friend

My thermometer hates me. My chart sucks. Temps are erratic and my post O temps are much lower then I would like. So needless to say, I started my day feeling a bit on the down side.

I decided to pay a visit to FF's chart gallery. I searched charts similar to mine that ended in pregnancy and I actually found some. They exist. They happened. I still have a chance. Screw you thermometer, you canNOT bring me down.

I also decided to take advantage of my VIP membership status and chart my mood and any symptom I might have that could possibly fit. I'm tired today. Fatigue checked. I was irritable yesterday. That's a symptom. Check. I'm starving. Increased appetite. Check.
I now have 24 pregnancy points.

OK, now I have no idea what that means. I don't know anything but the number 24. Is it 24 out of 100 ? Maybe it's a 24 out of 25 ? Who knows but I HAVE pregnancy points.
I hope I get gas soon.

This is strange

Last night was like any other Wednesday night. We had dinner an watched some TV and then I went to bed. I felt fine.

I woke up at 2:00 am to complete confusion. I was upside down in the bed ! My feet were where my head should have been. My head was where my feet should have been.

This is not normal for me, though I have been known to sleepwalk from time to time. Rob said that when he went to bed (2 hours after me) I was already upside down. He left me that way because he thought I looked peaceful. He later regretted his decision as I kicked him in the head twice.

At 2:00 am I sat up, got up, and went to get some water. I then went back to bed in the correct position. I don't think this counts as an early pregnancy symptom. However, If I do get my BFP this time then I should make sure everyone knows about this. Fertility Friend doesn't have it as an option. I did look.

My Month, divided

1) AF is here. I allow myself to be depressed for a few days. I go get a nice bottle of wine and drown my sorrows in my consolation prize. Twice. At least. Then as her visit is coming to an end I start to plan. I purchase anything I think I need for the upcoming cycle and then some. I whip out the calender and figure out which days we will most likely dtd. I research. I look for something, anything, I can do differently this time that will result in a pregnancy.

2) Waiting to Ovulate. Now it's getting exciting ! I am looking forward to some good lovin and cuddling. I am on TP patrol and working overtime. I also now get to pee on some OPK sticks. I start this ridiculously early on CD 8 just to be absolutely sure. My temps are starting to mean something so I have to be careful. No drinking allowed. I start getting anxious over whether or not my AC will have an affect, if I will accidentally sleep with my mouth open, and if Rob is going to steal the blankets from me in the middle of the night.

This is when I really start stressing. I know stressing can delay ovulation, but it happens. I over analyze the OPK's. I put too much pressure on Rob. I revise the sex schedule to the point where we just have to dtd every night so there really was no need for a schedule to begin with.
And now it just feels like work. Losing motivation quickly.

3) Waiting for Crosshairs on Fertility Friend. At this point I am pretty sure I ovulated already, but until the computer software confirms it, I will not believe it. This takes about 2 days and by this time Rob is already convinced and we are both exhausted and there is no more sex involved. I don't feel great about this but my earlier stress has worn us both out and we just need to recoup.

4) The 2 week wait. I haven't actually experienced a full 2ww yet. Usually by 8-10dpo my temps will be lower and my breasts will be sore. Both of these are excellent indicators AF is on her way back. Although I know what is happening I still have hope. Why can't I be the one with the odd chart that gets a BFP ? I could. Easily. Maybe my breasts will be sore for my whole pregnancy and they are just getting started ? I go back and forth on this. Alot.

I'm at 6dpo today. I have no imaginary pregnancy symptoms. My breasts are NOT sore. However, I do have crappy temps and not-so-hot looking chart. I DID have a very weird dream early this morning. That is unusual for me. Is that an IPS ? I'm gonna say maybe

Test date will be 12, 13, and 14 dpo if no AF. ( I have alot of tests )

2 Week Wait

I am 5dpo today. The good news is that I ovulated. The bad news is that my temp has not even come close to that spike on 1dpo. Today's was actually scary close to the coverline as was another post O. Temping may be the death of me. High temp = good mood for the day and vice versa.

There is someone on TMP ( I can't remember who ) that has decided not to temp after O is confirmed. I'm going to have to go find that thread to see how it's working out for her. I am seriously considering this. Maybe not knowing is better ?

The thing is I get up at 6:30 am Monday - Friday anyway. So I can't decide what would make me crazier. Temping or not temping. Having no idea what is going on or coming up with crazy theories to explain what is going on every day. I am not going to set an alarm this weekend. It's a start I guess.

Work has sucked since Friday. The receptionist is on vacation so I have to answer phones, sit up front, and put my own work on hold. I've been a bit grumpy. And my allergies have kicked in. Fun times

Now that's a temp spike

Check out my chart here: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2d29ad

98.67 ! I think that is my one of my highest temps ever. I will go on and assume that I ovulated yesterday. It's odd that I ovulate the same day I get my positive OPK, but I am just done trying to figure those things out.

I'm thinking today's temp set a very high standard for post O temps. My body may not be able to keep that up. We shall see.

My irrational fear that my air conditioning would prevent a thermal shift has been alleviated.

Yes !

I got my smiley face !!!! WooooHooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Positive OPK !! Awesome !!!!

I am so excited. I don't know why, but I was really worried I was not going to ovulate this cycle.
It's CD 16 and this is later then I expected but I will take it.

If my body is doing things similar to last cycle then I will ovulate today. However, I am quickly learning that every cycle is different, so I will have to see if my temp goes up tomorrow or the next day, or even the next. Ovulating on CD 16 - 18 is still considered normal. We have a chance !

As far as my OPK vs IC experiment goes:
I am glad I did it. I think today's IC looks exactly the same as yesterdays. I'll inspect closer when I get home. However, on the digital, the lines inside are definitely darker today. And I always dip these tests in same cup of pee. So I am confident that my investment in the digital tests was the right thing to do.

I'll test again tomorrow anyway :p
( I'm sorry for all the exclamation points, I'm just very excited~ DUH )

I'm Frustrated

Today is CD 15 and I got a negative OPK and a low temp :( Last cycle I had a positive OPK and huge temp spike on CD 14. I guess I don't always ovulate on CD 14. I was really hoping I did. ^Sigh^

I am glad I am doing my IC vs Digital OPK experiment. The line on today's OPK was dark. I would have called it a positive. The digital read a negative though. This is why I got the digital. I just suck at reading the lines.

I think Rob is getting frustrated also. He is having a tough, busy week and the BD every night 'schedule' isn't helping. Sometimes I feel like he is getting mad at me because I haven't ovulated yet. I wish I could control it. I can guess. I guessed I would ovulate today and I got it wrong. That bothers him. I think he thinks I should know. Maybe I should know. This is only my second month of charting everything. I can't predict it yet. I guess we should have a talk about it. I just really try not to bombard him with TTC non stop. I don't want to stress him more then he is.

On a more humorous note he asked my temp this morning. I thought he asked THE temp. I told him 57 degrees and really weirded him out for a moment there. whoops ! ( My temp was 97.2).

And a quick side note:
About 19 hours after LOST aired I am STILL thinking about it. That was one of the best episodes this season. Desmond episodes always rock.


**EDIT - Seems last cycle I did get a positive OPK on CD 14, but my temps didn't go up until CD 15

CD 14

Today is CD 14. Last month I ovulated ON CD 14. So I'm really hoping any day now. It would be nice to O today but I just have this feeling it will be a bit later this month. This marks my 2nd cycle charting and temping and I am still working out the kinks a bit. I do know that my cycle ranges from 28-31 days. Last month was a perfect 28 day cycle with O on CD 14. So I'm pretty sure this month will be a bit longer. I'll find out soon.

I had EWCM yesterday. Still no positive OPK yet. I hope today or tomorrow !

Rob starts his Series 7 class tonight. Poor guy. A full work day then a 3 hour class. He is going to be so tired but promised we would DTD tonight anyway. What a trooper.

My temp dipped down to 96.94 today. I don't normally go down that low. I know I did drop the day before O last month so maybe my temps will shoot up tomorrow ? IDK. I turned on the AC last night and woke up freezing. I wonder if that is why they dropped ? Again, IDK. It's going into the 80's this week. So AC is staying on.

Good Friday

No worries, this will not be a religious post. It just happens to be a very decent Friday.

I mentioned how Rob was rubbing it in that he had the day off. I still had to go to work, but they closed the office at Noon ! So effen cool. I normally work until 4:00. With the exception of once a year at Christmas Eve, our usual early closings are at 2:00 or 2:30. I think it depends on the mood of whoever is charge for that Holiday Friday. This was a most welcome surprise. I now had 2 or 2 1/2 hours of free time I wasn't expecting. I think they may have felt bad about the terminations yesterday and the general mood in the office being so gloomy.

I got a manicure and a chair massage. Great decision I made. It was perfect. My nails are now a hybrid of pink and purple and will match the colorful Easter eggs hanging on Sunday. I will take it off right after that. My norm is shades of black or very subtle, almost clear, pinks. After the nails dried I met Rob for a late lunch at restaurant by our place. I don't think we have ever had a late lunch on a weekday together before. So it really has been a great Friday.

I just took my OPK's. They are still negative. It's only CD 10 so I expected as much. However, both the IC and the digi's did have a very, super faint, 2nd line. Also, the CM is getting a bit watery. These are very good things. I am pretty sure my body is gearing up to have it's LH surge and then to Ovulate.

It's Friday. I needed one.

Nothing

It's CD 9 here and the IC OPK's I've been using for the past 2 days are giving me nothing. I know it's early but I was hoping for more of a line progression on them. I will start with the digital OPK's tomorrow anyway. I have zero fertile signs going on right now. ZERO. I would think my body would at least be gearing up by now. Some sort of CM perhaps. I will take watery.

I know it's early and I should keep positive but it's been a tough day. 5 people were laid off at work today. None from my department but I knew all of them pretty well. It's just a bad time and the atmosphere was just one of depression at work today. One girl who did not get fired kept bursting into tears all day. It's hard to stay positive when everyone around you bummed out.

AND Rob gets the day off tomorrow and I don't. This wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't keep rubbing it in all week. So today is his Friday and it's just a regular Thursday for me. Grrrr.... If I can't even think positive how am I going to get a positive pg test ?