Bad Timing

Rob lost his job yesterday. Nothing he did wrong. Just cutbacks and a sucky economy. We'll be fine. He was given a severance that is basically the same as him being paid for the next 5 months. We have a savings if it goes longer then that. I have a good job and we are both on my health insurance.

It just sucks because I really wanted to leave the city and buy a house. That's what our savings is for. And to find out he's been laid off 3 days after we find out I'm pregnant just kinda sucks. A bit more anxiety to add to my already anxiety riddled self. Oh well, it isn't the end of the world and it could end up being a good thing. Who knows, perhaps he will get a better job he really likes. I just really wanted to move out of the city.

I'm already jealous that he gets to sleep in and might get to sleep in for the next 6 months to a year. grrrrrr.
However, he did promise to be my butler while he's unemployed. LOL ! That will so not happen.

Pregnancy Update:

The past 2 nights I felt QUEASY ! YAY for symptoms ! Makes it feel a bit more real. I'm also tired earlier but that may be due to cutting back on caffeine.

My FRER hasn't yet become a blazing positive. It is getting a bit darker every day and is still a strong line and it hasn't gotten any lighter so, I don't know. Yesterday I convinced myself that I wasn't pregnant. Then I felt like I was going to vomit and figured out that I am pregnant. I'm going to drive myself crazy and I've only known I've been prego since Monday.

I just wish that both lines were EXACTLY the same color or better yet, that the test line was darker. I know I should just be happy that there is a line. I will try to not go crazy over this.

Much calmer now

I was so excited and distracted yesterday I could not even think. My hands were shaking when I took that crappy cell phone pic of my 1st home pregnancy test. I'll add another more clear one to the bottom of this post. It DID get a bit darker !

I have a million questions. I told Rob right away. I don't have a cute story about that. I just woke him up and (still shaking ) said "There are TWO lines". Then I said not to get excited till it gets darker. But we both already are.

I don't think I did very much work yesterday. I couldn't concentrate to save my life. It was killing me not to be able to tell everyone. I held out though. I really want to tell EVERYONE. I am going to wait a bit on that though. We haven't really discussed how or when we will announce.

We have a dinner tomorrow night with one of my best friends her husband and my sister and her boyfriend. These are the people who I want to know right away. If something bad ends up happening they are the people I would want to know about that too. But it is really early and I have to check with Rob on that. I'll probably tell them :p

I am calmer now, but still too excited to sleep. i woke up at 4:00 am and tested again. After that I was just awake. I am going to take the day off work. Just need a day to get myself together. I want to go to Barnes and Noble and pick up some books. I have not let myself read 'What to expect when you are expecting'. I was superstitious. i wanted to be pg before I read it. So I really want to go to the bookstore and get it.
I hope they have it !

I am pregnant !
I said it. It is real now :)

Here is this mornings hpt:

Please, Please, Please ! ! !

Please let this be true !

It's a positive test ! But the line isn't that dark for 16 dpo. I also had spotting twice last week. Brown, so that is good, but I would prefer none at all.

I am going to make myself believe in Implementation Spotting. I believe in you. I am sorry for doubting your existence.

This was 2nd morning urine.

I am so nervous. I want to be excited, I really do, but it shouldn't it be darker ?

I am going to get a bunch more FRER and pee on sticks all week !

Please stick little bean, Please ! !

Still Waiting

I don't know what is wrong with AF this month. The spotting stopped. She's coming. I know she is on her way but she sure is taking her sweet time. I think I remember this happening back in December. I wasn't charting or blogging then so I can't remember exact dates. I know I started spotting, stopped for a few days. I thought AF was late and got excited and started testing. She obviously came. It was a strange, unusually light visit though.

I won't get excited this time. I have been charting so I know when I ovulated and I also know that AF isn't really late, I just ovulated later in my cycle.

Rob and I talked last night and we decided not to get depressed by her visit this time. We are going to enjoy all the things we have been trying to give up while TTC. We are going to be totally unhealthy for a few days. Drink whatever we want. Eat as much as we want. I'm talking lobster drenched in loads of butter and bacon, egg, and cheeses for breakfast. Too much wine and I'm even considering dessert. I never eat dessert but why not. I want a bacon cheeseburger too. Can you tell I love bacon ? And no exercising allowed.

We'll both get back on the healthy train by Monday but will OVERindulge while AF is here. I'm actually beginning to look forward to her visit.

Sigh

Spotting has started. AF is most definitely on her way. She will be here today or tomorrow. Another failed cycle. I didn't even get to test this time. Great big loud dramatic *Sigh*

I also think I am going to have to suck it up and start temping vaginally. I really don't want to do this. However, my allergies have been pretty bad this week and yesterday was horrible. I woke up this morning and I couldn't breathe through my nose at ALL. I couldn't temp. I tried but couldn't hold my breath long enough for the thermometer to beep. The temp would have been off anyway due to sleeping with an open mouth. Turns out it didn't matter but I have a feeling this allergy season may be worse then usual.

I must say that I am a bit scared to temp vaginally. I guess maybe I'm more embarrassed. Rob always wakes up when I temp. He's going to find it odd when I wake up and stick the thermometer in it's new place. I find it kinda gross myself. I have some time to decide if I will go through with this and whether or not I will tell him in advance or try to sneak it. Obviously I cannot temp while AF is here. eeeewwwwww

FML

Yesterday was 11 dpo so I took a walk to CVS after work and purchased a 3 pack of the FRER 6-day early test. I had planned on testing this morning. When I got home I used the bathroom and I had some very odd spotting. A few blood clots that were dark red/maroon in color. Figures.

It's way too soon for AF ! If this really is her visit then my LP is way too short. I didn't even have the usual warning signs of her visit. My breasts haven't even become very sore yet. A bit sore on the sides but not the kind of sore that I am used to.

IDK. I just wanted to make note of this. My temp went back up today and no more spotting since that one time, but I really don't have much hope anymore for this cycle. AF is on her way. I did not even bother wasting the FRER I bought.

It's not implementation bleeding because
a) I'm not sure I believe that even exists, and
b) It was maroon, not red and not brown

So yeah, FML

Fertility Friend really IS my friend

My thermometer hates me. My chart sucks. Temps are erratic and my post O temps are much lower then I would like. So needless to say, I started my day feeling a bit on the down side.

I decided to pay a visit to FF's chart gallery. I searched charts similar to mine that ended in pregnancy and I actually found some. They exist. They happened. I still have a chance. Screw you thermometer, you canNOT bring me down.

I also decided to take advantage of my VIP membership status and chart my mood and any symptom I might have that could possibly fit. I'm tired today. Fatigue checked. I was irritable yesterday. That's a symptom. Check. I'm starving. Increased appetite. Check.
I now have 24 pregnancy points.

OK, now I have no idea what that means. I don't know anything but the number 24. Is it 24 out of 100 ? Maybe it's a 24 out of 25 ? Who knows but I HAVE pregnancy points.
I hope I get gas soon.